Hey Corona! I really like your homepage on your new website! It very welcoming and does a good job of inviting the reader in to read your stories. I really like the setting right at the beginning. That's an interesting idea I have not seen or thought of before. In the sentence including "...but the planet remains sleeping..." I think you should say "remained asleep" instead. In the sentence that includes "...to do the correct thing..." I think the expression is "to do the right thing." In the sentence that reads "They had drained it of its natural resources and poisoned its soil..." I think the "..." is unnecessary. In the sentence that includes "...continued on, this same..." the word "progressed" might be a good substitution for "continued on." This is a fascinating story you have written and I cannot wait to read more of your stories! You're an excellent writer so you might take my suggestions with a grain of salt, but I hope I was able to help.
Corona, I love the dark, ominous scene you set with the images of the burning planet and the mysterious figure in darkness gazing into a fire. It helps the reader visualize the gravity of the situation in the story.
I was a little confused about these contradictory statements though. "They cannot express joy, anger, pain or sadness." But then the next sentence says, " Very rarely did these planets feel as if they were angry or sad," making it seem like they CAN express emotion. If you took out one or the other, it would be more succinct. Also, if the planets can't communicate, how did they know the other planets were dying? On a related note, what stops multiple planets from coming to help out people on a dying planet? It seems like, in the beginning, you portrayed the planets as these pseudo-sentient beings that just answer cries of distress, but by the end, there's almost a council of sorts for the planets, which would be a cool follow-up story if that is what you were doing! Like, similar to how the planet killers evolved to survive off fire and ash, the planets must evolve to ensure their own survival, and they do so by developing communication between each other, allowing them to warn each other of dangers.
I retold the story of 'The Cunning Crane and the Crab' as well. I love reading others who have retold the story because it shows how our personal touch can be so different from each other despite the same starting material. I loved the concept and dark nature of it all. My suggestion would be to try to clarify some of the smaller details. I.e. the planets not being able to feel vs rarely feeling. Rarely feeling is still more that complete apathy, so it can be confusing to the reader. My second question is how do these planets know the planet-killers are bad? It seems like they can not really communicate with each other or even the humamoids, they just respond. How are they able to realize what these planet-killers are doing? Do the planets learn how to communicate? Is it a telepathic response? Do the humanoids turn evil because they realize their power? From what I understand, the story is showing how the humanoids have evolved and essentially exploited the planet because they are aware of its gentle nature which is how they reel it in. Then, when they have the planet, they exploit until everything is gone for their own pleasure, only to find a new planet. I was confused if the original humanoids were like this or they evolved because initially, it seems like there are totally different generations treating the plants like this but later it makes it seem like it is the same generation hopping from planet to planet. I think a large part of this is because I'm unsure how long of time has passed so I don't know if the humanoids are always bad or become bad. Just some small clarifications like this would help develop the story better. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and look forward to more!
How interesting that you included Cupid into the story of Rama and Sita! That is definitely a WOW factor to the story. I enjoyed reading an alternative to the beginning of Rama and Sita, specially since it did not involve female hysteria :) Based on your story Rama and Sita were just the innocent bystanders of a bored Cupid, and I love that idea! I also really liked how he realizes that his mother is going to be upset with him for connecting two powerful individuals. While touching on what I liked about your story, I want to mention Sita's power. I hadn't realized this before while reading all the original stories about Rama and Sita, but the stories never really mention Sita having power. I like how you included this into your story. She must have a lot of power actually! Thanks for the interesting new take on Rama and Sita!
Hey Corona, I just want to start off by saying that I really like the homepage of your portfolio. The tone with which you wrote it was very welcoming and it made me very excited to see the rest of it. Once I started looking through the actual stories, the titles really caught my attention. It is hard to read the title "Cupid the Idiot" and not want to find out more. So awesome job that it. It definitely peaked my interest. Getting into the actual story, I was pleasantly surprised. I really liked the way you narrated this and I really enjoyed reading it. The way you broke up the paragraphs made it really manageable, and the dialogue that you did include was very entertaining. Something I really enjoyed was that you set off a chunk of text to describe the setting of the story. It made the imagery of it a lot easier. Keep up the awesome job, Corona.
Let me just start by saying that your website looks fantastic. I liked the layout and the aesthetics of the whole site, and also your blog.
I enjoyed your story titled "Cupid the Idiot." I think it is such a fun and creative way to give an origin story to the love of Sita and Rama. I always knew that there was something behind this love story. I also like how Cupid is very self-aware of the possible mistake that he's making. He even foretold the tragic ending of their love story.
The level of detail that you provide in the story creates really good imagery. I also thought it was nice of you to merge Indian and Greek/Roman mythology. It would be cool if, instead of Venus, it is Rati who gets mad a cupid.
I really enjoyed your story, and I look forward to reading more stories from you this semester.
Hi~ Thank you for having an intro on your home page. Just that little bit of added context really helped me know what to expect. Including Cupid in Rama's and Sita's story was quite a 'when worlds collide' moment. It's a very interesting idea and makes me wish I had another semester to take myth-folklore. Have you heard of Kamadeva, the Hindu God of Love? I think if you ever wanted to write another story, it would be interesting to have a Cupid and Kamadeva interaction. The difference between Cupid the Idiot and Planet Killers is impressive. Your portfolio is really showcasing how diverse your writing style is. Great work on your project so far!
I thought your portfolio page looked great and was very appealing to the eye. I also liked how you formatted your pages and gave description about what to expect from your portfolio. You really put a lot of effort into making your website unique and it shows. I enjoyed reading your "Planet Killers" story. At first I had no Idea what story is related to, but your author's note did a good job at clarifying some confusion. I would suggest providing your audience with more explanation as to the origin of the planet killers, and how they evolved into their current state. I think it also would be cool to give the planets specific names. Since your story is so intriguing and alluring, I believe adding some background information and highlighting the importance for the planet killers in relation to the sustenance of others around them. It would also be helpful to explain the emotional limitations you portrayed in your story. For example the planet killers inability to experience fear.
First, I would like to say that I love the way the images you chose illustrate your stories and the way that your site is set up. I love your homepage and the title. I like the way that you set up your story, its like when you are being told as story-- "In a land far far away." I think you should check your verb tenses, there are quite a few verb tenses that don't fit and some commas and/or other punctuation. I liked the way that the stories were so different, your stories are interesting and I think that the details are brilliant. 'Planet Killers' was very unique and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the original story was (I think thats a good thing in this case), but your author's note cleared things up nicely.
Hey Corona, I really liked your story, "What Deception Can Do". I also wrote about King Shantanu and Ganga. Your vivid description of Ganga was so clear and beautiful. I liked the words "rippled" and "honey". Wow, your story was intense. It seemed like she would be diagnosed with postpartum depression until you said she was known for having children with men and then killing them. Did she drown everyone of them? I liked how in your story Juliet aka Ganga faced consequences for her actions. I also liked the connection you made between Juliet and the gods through prayer. I did not think much of her praying until I read your author's note. It was a great piece to include in your story. Juliet really was a sick person to kill all of her babies and husbands. Overall, your story was fascinating, and I can not wait to read more of your stories. Your classmate, Joanna Yoon
Hey Corona, I wanted to first say that I love your images in all of your stories, they are very fitting and descriptive. Another thing that I really like that I wish I did in my stories is that you state the setting at the very beginning. I think this helps the reader to start forming an image in their head straight off the bat. I really enjoyed your story “Planet Killers”. There is a lot of literature that talks about the same concept. Scientists fear that since we have killed this planet then we will do it to another planet if we inhabit it. I also wrote a story about The Cunning Crane and the Crab however, I had the crab get revenge on the crane for killing all the fish and trying to kill him. I wonder why you didn’t have the planets get revenge on the humanoids? Or was them burning in the fire forever revenge enough?
I really enjoyed your planet killers story. It was unlike any story I have read for this class which was really refreshing. I agree completely that humans by nature do nature. We do what we think is best for us without thinking of how it effects the people or the things around us. Your story really reminds me of a song called "Tusk and Bone" by Shaman's Harvest. The song shows that while it is amazing that as humans we have been able to accomplish so much after starting with so little, we have harmed the Earth in the process. I honestly think it might be a metaphor for how our selfish actions can destroy the beautiful things around us. Anyway, you should check it out!
Overall, I really enjoyed your story even though I think adding some dialogue would make it a little more engaging. The original Crab and Crane story had a lot of dialogue that I think really brought more life to the characters.
Thank you for your comment about my story. I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I absolutely love Shaman's Harvest and that I listen to "Tusk and Bone" quite a bit. I actually went to their concert in Tulsa a little over a year ago and I was in absolute Heaven. Anyways, it is really nice to find a fellow Shaman's Harvest fan and I cannot wait for their new album!
Hello Corona, so right off the bat... I would change it to "A Conglomeration *space* of the *space* Interesting" It would just look better. Also, if you made the picture of the creativity in progress (which I love by the way) smaller then the page would flow better. Okay! Moving on! Initial site comments... I think the image of cupid would be better suited for like the center of the text or running alongside it? I know you can do that on my website but I'm not sure about yours. Also the spacing for the text is odd. Like some lines are indented while others aren't? It just makes the story a little hard to follow. It could also benefit from less spaces between paragraphs? I get what you're trying to do but again it just makes the story choppy. Onto the read. In the first/second (I'm not sure if you count the setting paragraph as one) you say " Cupid's thinks, 'Mother" I'm not sure if the "d's" is intentional or a mistake? The story overall is very interesting but sort of confusing? I had to read it a couple of times before I got it and I still have questions.
Hi Corona! The site is looking fantastic! I like the overall layout and the theme works great too. They're pleasing to the eye. I also thoroughly enjoyed reading your story "Planet Killers" and thought you did a great job with it (the picture is cool too). You took the story of "The Cunning Crane and the Crab" and created your own original work inspired by the general layout of that Jataka Tale's plot line. When I first read it, it wasn't inherently obvious which tale you derived inspiration from (or at least to me it wasn't), which I think is a good thing when it comes to creating original work. I also read the story "What Deception Can Do" and that one left me with a different feeling inside. Not that it was bad (in fact it was good!) it just took me off guard with what happened. Overall, great stories!
Hey Corona, I came back to read more of your stories because I loved what I read when I first ran into your blog. The more I use your site the more I realize how much I enjoy the way you organized your stuff and the way it look from an aesthetic point of view. Your stories, The headers, and the pictures you include blend together perfectly. And the fact that you kept a white background for the stories make it a lot easier to read. Now onto your stories, I really like the fact that you take such a different inspiration for each one of your stories. This time I had the delight to read "what deception can do." The short poem at the beginning was a really cool idea and I think it worked perfectly as an introduction to your story. The story overall was awesome. The way you used such a removed 3rd person point of view was very effective in making Richard the center of attention, which is what I felt like you were trying to do. This is by far one of my favorite stories so far. Keep doing what you're doing, girl.
I first want to address how much I liked the setup of your site. Also, the colors and images aren't too much for my tired brain to handle. I believe I read your last story during the beginning of the semester, which made me realize just how much your project has evolved over these few weeks. I enjoyed the cupid story a lot. The story about Richard took too much of a drastic turn for me. I do appreciate the way you set up your stories and let the reader know who's involved and give us a clear picture. Your description of Richard was very detailed. Funny thing, I have a co-worker who's name is Richard and that physical description is about spot on. I also liked the poem at the beginning. I did notice in the Cupid story that there was a part that you put three question marks. I caught my eye and had to think about for longer than I should have.
First, I would like to discuss your portfolio website. I thought the colors that you used were beautiful together. Also, the whole layout of the website was unique too. I think that was the first time I saw the navigation bar on the side rather than the top. Overall your website looks very nice. However, I would suggest perhaps making the navigation bar thinner or making it a drop-down box because it is pretty chunky and bold on each page causing a distraction.
Now let's discuss your story, "Planet Killers." I thought this was a super creative recreation of the "The Cunning Crane and the Crab." Your story was very interesting, I thought. I do have a question for you to ponder over though. What happened to the fire engulfed planets? Did they disintegrate into thin air? Did the flames eventually go out and the plant regained its characteristics over time just to be subjected to the Planet Killers again? Overall, your story was very outside of the box and amusing.
Hey Corona, I hope you have had a good semester so far in this class, and I hope that you are doing well in the class. I liked your portfolio quite a bit. I thought that is was, in a word, inspired. From the get-go you the portfolio was so creative. The story with cupid and Rama and Sita was so creative and fun. At first, I was confused and thought I had clicked on the wrong class, but as I read, I realized how cool the idea was and how well executed it was. Both of your other stories were cool, and they were also very original and unique. I think that your portfolio’s strongest point is how unique and original the stories are. I think you did a create job. My only piece of advice is that you should make the link to your comment wall a button because those look very cool.
Hi Corona, I am happy to finally have had the chance to check out your portfolio! This weeks feedback activity was kind f a free for all where she presented all the stories and portfolios at once for us to pick from. In my search of who to give feedback to I was trying to look for a website that stood out and was interesting and after clicking 10 I checked your out and was finally drawn to something! For the most part everyone had the same layout but yours was a little different. I liked that you had your stories tabbed differently and clean. I also liked how on each story there was a different title picture but nothing too specific. It gave just enough info on what the story would entail. One more thing, I loved your use of a video! I have not seen that yet and thought it added so much insight on what the story was! So good job overall!
Hi Corona, I enjoyed reading through you short story, Planet Killers. I have to say you have quit the imagination. I thought your story was super interesting as it kept me very interested all the way through. Honestly this them or story idea sounds like an excellent sci-fi movie just waiting to be created. Once I got to the end of your story, seeing where you got your inspiration from surprised me just because I was not expecting The Cunning Crane and the Crab. After thinking about it for a second though it all made sense. I think you did a great job with the story! This weeks project assignment has us focusing on paragraphs and formatting. All in all, I believe your formatting looks and reads just fine. There isn't too many or too few paragraphs. To re-state I thought it read nicely and where you put your paragraphs makes perfect sense. I think you did a great job with this story and I believe your portfolio is turning out nicely!
Hey Corona! I like the concept of creating stories from the viewpoint of different "mythological presences," as you deem them. The menu is nicely laid out on your website. However, the home page might benefit from a few revisions. Some of the text on the home screen is repeated twice, which I believe may have been unintentional? I'm also not quite sure why you have chosen to elongate the word "also;" was there a particular reason for this? I love the image of the fountain pen, however, and all the rest of the images you have chosen for the site! "Cupid the Idiot" was an adorable little tale! You establish the setting early on in the story, so there is no reason to add a note about setting in the beginning. The best way to communicate this is to use integrated descriptive language, which you have done very well! An editing note in the very beginning: the"apostrophe s" in "Cupid's thinks" should simply be "Cupid thinks"
Hi Corona, looks like the randomizer brings me back to your stories. I like the sleek design of your page. It's very easy to navigate without being too obstructive! And the color scheme is very aesthetic as well! I enjoyed reading your stories because I can see a progression in your writing. At first, it was kind of simple, but later on, you have character development, dialogue, and even storytelling from different perspectives! Very cool to see not only the development of the characters, but of the writer themselves.
I think I enjoyed the premise of Cupid the Idiot the most because it blends in Greek mythology. Cupid, the famous love-maker, could very well have been involved in Rama and Sita's love at first sight. Interesting idea to think about!!
Hey again Corona! I commented last about your stories "Planet Killer" and "What Deception Can Do" and I decided to return to see what you had been up to. You were busy, it seems, with two new editions to your portfolio. And, to top it all off, they're connected so it was like one long and interesting story. Your website format hasn't changed since I last visited, and that's good because it was already a solid choice - very clean and neat. I hadn't read the source stories for your "A Wild Time in the Jungle" series, but I think I got the gist of them from your stories. Both tales were told well in my opinion, and I like your choice of dialogue indicator in many parts of the story. It reminds me of chat systems, so it was pretty easy to know who was saying what without getting that information from "he says/she says/etc." Overall, I really like what you did with these last two stories as I thought they played out well.
Hey Corona! I really like your homepage on your new website! It very welcoming and does a good job of inviting the reader in to read your stories. I really like the setting right at the beginning. That's an interesting idea I have not seen or thought of before. In the sentence including "...but the planet remains sleeping..." I think you should say "remained asleep" instead. In the sentence that includes "...to do the correct thing..." I think the expression is "to do the right thing." In the sentence that reads "They had drained it of its natural resources and poisoned its soil..." I think the "..." is unnecessary. In the sentence that includes "...continued on, this same..." the word "progressed" might be a good substitution for "continued on." This is a fascinating story you have written and I cannot wait to read more of your stories! You're an excellent writer so you might take my suggestions with a grain of salt, but I hope I was able to help.
ReplyDeleteCorona, I love the dark, ominous scene you set with the images of the burning planet and the mysterious figure in darkness gazing into a fire. It helps the reader visualize the gravity of the situation in the story.
ReplyDeleteI was a little confused about these contradictory statements though. "They cannot express joy, anger, pain or sadness." But then the next sentence says, " Very rarely did these planets feel as if they were angry or sad," making it seem like they CAN express emotion. If you took out one or the other, it would be more succinct. Also, if the planets can't communicate, how did they know the other planets were dying? On a related note, what stops multiple planets from coming to help out people on a dying planet? It seems like, in the beginning, you portrayed the planets as these pseudo-sentient beings that just answer cries of distress, but by the end, there's almost a council of sorts for the planets, which would be a cool follow-up story if that is what you were doing! Like, similar to how the planet killers evolved to survive off fire and ash, the planets must evolve to ensure their own survival, and they do so by developing communication between each other, allowing them to warn each other of dangers.
Great story!
Hi Corona!
ReplyDeleteI retold the story of 'The Cunning Crane and the Crab' as well. I love reading others who have retold the story because it shows how our personal touch can be so different from each other despite the same starting material. I loved the concept and dark nature of it all. My suggestion would be to try to clarify some of the smaller details. I.e. the planets not being able to feel vs rarely feeling. Rarely feeling is still more that complete apathy, so it can be confusing to the reader. My second question is how do these planets know the planet-killers are bad? It seems like they can not really communicate with each other or even the humamoids, they just respond. How are they able to realize what these planet-killers are doing? Do the planets learn how to communicate? Is it a telepathic response? Do the humanoids turn evil because they realize their power? From what I understand, the story is showing how the humanoids have evolved and essentially exploited the planet because they are aware of its gentle nature which is how they reel it in. Then, when they have the planet, they exploit until everything is gone for their own pleasure, only to find a new planet. I was confused if the original humanoids were like this or they evolved because initially, it seems like there are totally different generations treating the plants like this but later it makes it seem like it is the same generation hopping from planet to planet. I think a large part of this is because I'm unsure how long of time has passed so I don't know if the humanoids are always bad or become bad. Just some small clarifications like this would help develop the story better. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and look forward to more!
Hello Corona!
ReplyDeleteHow interesting that you included Cupid into the story of Rama and Sita! That is definitely a WOW factor to the story. I enjoyed reading an alternative to the beginning of Rama and Sita, specially since it did not involve female hysteria :) Based on your story Rama and Sita were just the innocent bystanders of a bored Cupid, and I love that idea! I also really liked how he realizes that his mother is going to be upset with him for connecting two powerful individuals. While touching on what I liked about your story, I want to mention Sita's power. I hadn't realized this before while reading all the original stories about Rama and Sita, but the stories never really mention Sita having power. I like how you included this into your story. She must have a lot of power actually! Thanks for the interesting new take on Rama and Sita!
Hey Corona, I just want to start off by saying that I really like the homepage of your portfolio. The tone with which you wrote it was very welcoming and it made me very excited to see the rest of it. Once I started looking through the actual stories, the titles really caught my attention. It is hard to read the title "Cupid the Idiot" and not want to find out more. So awesome job that it. It definitely peaked my interest. Getting into the actual story, I was pleasantly surprised. I really liked the way you narrated this and I really enjoyed reading it. The way you broke up the paragraphs made it really manageable, and the dialogue that you did include was very entertaining. Something I really enjoyed was that you set off a chunk of text to describe the setting of the story. It made the imagery of it a lot easier. Keep up the awesome job, Corona.
ReplyDeleteHello Corona,
ReplyDeleteLet me just start by saying that your website looks fantastic. I liked the layout and the aesthetics of the whole site, and also your blog.
I enjoyed your story titled "Cupid the Idiot." I think it is such a fun and creative way to give an origin story to the love of Sita and Rama. I always knew that there was something behind this love story. I also like how Cupid is very self-aware of the possible mistake that he's making. He even foretold the tragic ending of their love story.
The level of detail that you provide in the story creates really good imagery. I also thought it was nice of you to merge Indian and Greek/Roman mythology. It would be cool if, instead of Venus, it is Rati who gets mad a cupid.
I really enjoyed your story, and I look forward to reading more stories from you this semester.
Hi~
ReplyDeleteThank you for having an intro on your home page. Just that little bit of added context really helped me know what to expect.
Including Cupid in Rama's and Sita's story was quite a 'when worlds collide' moment. It's a very interesting idea and makes me wish I had another semester to take myth-folklore. Have you heard of Kamadeva, the Hindu God of Love? I think if you ever wanted to write another story, it would be interesting to have a Cupid and Kamadeva interaction.
The difference between Cupid the Idiot and Planet Killers is impressive. Your portfolio is really showcasing how diverse your writing style is. Great work on your project so far!
Hi Corona,
ReplyDeleteI thought your portfolio page looked great and was very appealing to the eye. I also liked how you formatted your pages and gave description about what to expect from your portfolio. You really put a lot of effort into making your website unique and it shows. I enjoyed reading your "Planet Killers" story. At first I had no Idea what story is related to, but your author's note did a good job at clarifying some confusion. I would suggest providing your audience with more explanation as to the origin of the planet killers, and how they evolved into their current state. I think it also would be cool to give the planets specific names. Since your story is so intriguing and alluring, I believe adding some background information and highlighting the importance for the planet killers in relation to the sustenance of others around them. It would also be helpful to explain the emotional limitations you portrayed in your story. For example the planet killers inability to experience fear.
Hi Corona,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to say that I love the way the images you chose illustrate your stories and the way that your site is set up. I love your homepage and the title.
I like the way that you set up your story, its like when you are being told as story-- "In a land far far away."
I think you should check your verb tenses, there are quite a few verb tenses that don't fit and some commas and/or other punctuation.
I liked the way that the stories were so different, your stories are interesting and I think that the details are brilliant. 'Planet Killers' was very unique and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the original story was (I think thats a good thing in this case), but your author's note cleared things up nicely.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hey Corona,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story, "What Deception Can Do". I also wrote about King Shantanu and Ganga. Your vivid description of Ganga was so clear and beautiful. I liked the words "rippled" and "honey". Wow, your story was intense. It seemed like she would be diagnosed with postpartum depression until you said she was known for having children with men and then killing them. Did she drown everyone of them? I liked how in your story Juliet aka Ganga faced consequences for her actions. I also liked the connection you made between Juliet and the gods through prayer. I did not think much of her praying until I read your author's note. It was a great piece to include in your story. Juliet really was a sick person to kill all of her babies and husbands. Overall, your story was fascinating, and I can not wait to read more of your stories.
Your classmate,
Joanna Yoon
Hey Corona,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to first say that I love your images in all of your stories, they are very fitting and descriptive. Another thing that I really like that I wish I did in my stories is that you state the setting at the very beginning. I think this helps the reader to start forming an image in their head straight off the bat. I really enjoyed your story “Planet Killers”. There is a lot of literature that talks about the same concept. Scientists fear that since we have killed this planet then we will do it to another planet if we inhabit it. I also wrote a story about The Cunning Crane and the Crab however, I had the crab get revenge on the crane for killing all the fish and trying to kill him. I wonder why you didn’t have the planets get revenge on the humanoids? Or was them burning in the fire forever revenge enough?
Hi Corona,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your planet killers story. It was unlike any story I have read for this class which was really refreshing. I agree completely that humans by nature do nature. We do what we think is best for us without thinking of how it effects the people or the things around us. Your story really reminds me of a song called "Tusk and Bone" by Shaman's Harvest. The song shows that while it is amazing that as humans we have been able to accomplish so much after starting with so little, we have harmed the Earth in the process. I honestly think it might be a metaphor for how our selfish actions can destroy the beautiful things around us. Anyway, you should check it out!
Overall, I really enjoyed your story even though I think adding some dialogue would make it a little more engaging. The original Crab and Crane story had a lot of dialogue that I think really brought more life to the characters.
Thank you for your comment about my story. I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I absolutely love Shaman's Harvest and that I listen to "Tusk and Bone" quite a bit. I actually went to their concert in Tulsa a little over a year ago and I was in absolute Heaven. Anyways, it is really nice to find a fellow Shaman's Harvest fan and I cannot wait for their new album!
DeleteHello Corona, so right off the bat... I would change it to "A Conglomeration *space* of the *space* Interesting" It would just look better. Also, if you made the picture of the creativity in progress (which I love by the way) smaller then the page would flow better. Okay! Moving on! Initial site comments... I think the image of cupid would be better suited for like the center of the text or running alongside it? I know you can do that on my website but I'm not sure about yours. Also the spacing for the text is odd. Like some lines are indented while others aren't? It just makes the story a little hard to follow. It could also benefit from less spaces between paragraphs? I get what you're trying to do but again it just makes the story choppy. Onto the read. In the first/second (I'm not sure if you count the setting paragraph as one) you say " Cupid's thinks, 'Mother" I'm not sure if the "d's" is intentional or a mistake? The story overall is very interesting but sort of confusing? I had to read it a couple of times before I got it and I still have questions.
ReplyDeleteHi Corona! The site is looking fantastic! I like the overall layout and the theme works great too. They're pleasing to the eye. I also thoroughly enjoyed reading your story "Planet Killers" and thought you did a great job with it (the picture is cool too). You took the story of "The Cunning Crane and the Crab" and created your own original work inspired by the general layout of that Jataka Tale's plot line. When I first read it, it wasn't inherently obvious which tale you derived inspiration from (or at least to me it wasn't), which I think is a good thing when it comes to creating original work. I also read the story "What Deception Can Do" and that one left me with a different feeling inside. Not that it was bad (in fact it was good!) it just took me off guard with what happened. Overall, great stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Corona, I came back to read more of your stories because I loved what I read when I first ran into your blog. The more I use your site the more I realize how much I enjoy the way you organized your stuff and the way it look from an aesthetic point of view. Your stories, The headers, and the pictures you include blend together perfectly. And the fact that you kept a white background for the stories make it a lot easier to read. Now onto your stories, I really like the fact that you take such a different inspiration for each one of your stories. This time I had the delight to read "what deception can do." The short poem at the beginning was a really cool idea and I think it worked perfectly as an introduction to your story. The story overall was awesome. The way you used such a removed 3rd person point of view was very effective in making Richard the center of attention, which is what I felt like you were trying to do. This is by far one of my favorite stories so far. Keep doing what you're doing, girl.
ReplyDeleteI first want to address how much I liked the setup of your site. Also, the colors and images aren't too much for my tired brain to handle. I believe I read your last story during the beginning of the semester, which made me realize just how much your project has evolved over these few weeks. I enjoyed the cupid story a lot. The story about Richard took too much of a drastic turn for me. I do appreciate the way you set up your stories and let the reader know who's involved and give us a clear picture. Your description of Richard was very detailed. Funny thing, I have a co-worker who's name is Richard and that physical description is about spot on. I also liked the poem at the beginning. I did notice in the Cupid story that there was a part that you put three question marks. I caught my eye and had to think about for longer than I should have.
ReplyDeleteHowdy Corona,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to discuss your portfolio website. I thought the colors that you used were beautiful together. Also, the whole layout of the website was unique too. I think that was the first time I saw the navigation bar on the side rather than the top. Overall your website looks very nice. However, I would suggest perhaps making the navigation bar thinner or making it a drop-down box because it is pretty chunky and bold on each page causing a distraction.
Now let's discuss your story, "Planet Killers." I thought this was a super creative recreation of the "The Cunning Crane and the Crab." Your story was very interesting, I thought. I do have a question for you to ponder over though. What happened to the fire engulfed planets? Did they disintegrate into thin air? Did the flames eventually go out and the plant regained its characteristics over time just to be subjected to the Planet Killers again? Overall, your story was very outside of the box and amusing.
Hey Corona,
ReplyDeleteI hope you have had a good semester so far in this class, and I hope that you are doing well in the class. I liked your portfolio quite a bit. I thought that is was, in a word, inspired. From the get-go you the portfolio was so creative. The story with cupid and Rama and Sita was so creative and fun. At first, I was confused and thought I had clicked on the wrong class, but as I read, I realized how cool the idea was and how well executed it was. Both of your other stories were cool, and they were also very original and unique. I think that your portfolio’s strongest point is how unique and original the stories are. I think you did a create job. My only piece of advice is that you should make the link to your comment wall a button because those look very cool.
Hi Corona,
ReplyDeleteI am happy to finally have had the chance to check out your portfolio! This weeks feedback activity was kind f a free for all where she presented all the stories and portfolios at once for us to pick from. In my search of who to give feedback to I was trying to look for a website that stood out and was interesting and after clicking 10 I checked your out and was finally drawn to something! For the most part everyone had the same layout but yours was a little different. I liked that you had your stories tabbed differently and clean. I also liked how on each story there was a different title picture but nothing too specific. It gave just enough info on what the story would entail. One more thing, I loved your use of a video! I have not seen that yet and thought it added so much insight on what the story was! So good job overall!
Hi Corona, I enjoyed reading through you short story, Planet Killers. I have to say you have quit the imagination. I thought your story was super interesting as it kept me very interested all the way through. Honestly this them or story idea sounds like an excellent sci-fi movie just waiting to be created. Once I got to the end of your story, seeing where you got your inspiration from surprised me just because I was not expecting The Cunning Crane and the Crab. After thinking about it for a second though it all made sense. I think you did a great job with the story! This weeks project assignment has us focusing on paragraphs and formatting. All in all, I believe your formatting looks and reads just fine. There isn't too many or too few paragraphs. To re-state I thought it read nicely and where you put your paragraphs makes perfect sense. I think you did a great job with this story and I believe your portfolio is turning out nicely!
ReplyDeleteHey Corona!
ReplyDeleteI like the concept of creating stories from the viewpoint of different "mythological presences," as you deem them. The menu is nicely laid out on your website. However, the home page might benefit from a few revisions. Some of the text on the home screen is repeated twice, which I believe may have been unintentional? I'm also not quite sure why you have chosen to elongate the word "also;" was there a particular reason for this? I love the image of the fountain pen, however, and all the rest of the images you have chosen for the site!
"Cupid the Idiot" was an adorable little tale! You establish the setting early on in the story, so there is no reason to add a note about setting in the beginning. The best way to communicate this is to use integrated descriptive language, which you have done very well!
An editing note in the very beginning: the"apostrophe s" in "Cupid's thinks" should simply be "Cupid thinks"
Hi Corona, looks like the randomizer brings me back to your stories. I like the sleek design of your page. It's very easy to navigate without being too obstructive! And the color scheme is very aesthetic as well! I enjoyed reading your stories because I can see a progression in your writing. At first, it was kind of simple, but later on, you have character development, dialogue, and even storytelling from different perspectives! Very cool to see not only the development of the characters, but of the writer themselves.
ReplyDeleteI think I enjoyed the premise of Cupid the Idiot the most because it blends in Greek mythology. Cupid, the famous love-maker, could very well have been involved in Rama and Sita's love at first sight. Interesting idea to think about!!
Hey again Corona! I commented last about your stories "Planet Killer" and "What Deception Can Do" and I decided to return to see what you had been up to. You were busy, it seems, with two new editions to your portfolio. And, to top it all off, they're connected so it was like one long and interesting story. Your website format hasn't changed since I last visited, and that's good because it was already a solid choice - very clean and neat. I hadn't read the source stories for your "A Wild Time in the Jungle" series, but I think I got the gist of them from your stories. Both tales were told well in my opinion, and I like your choice of dialogue indicator in many parts of the story. It reminds me of chat systems, so it was pretty easy to know who was saying what without getting that information from "he says/she says/etc." Overall, I really like what you did with these last two stories as I thought they played out well.
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